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cria on flickr
- 12 ears ago...
- up & down
- he's driving the city!
- Fragile
- gone and far away
- bikes and the city
- I've said too much
- from above
- the power of dreams
- it's alrigt now
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- 08-11-16 16:04: Eliadar on casuta postala
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There's no place like 127.0.0.1
din nou, de iarna
Pentru ca ultimii ani s-au sfarsit cu greu si pentru ca nici acum nu se vede luminita de la capatul tunelului, mi-am zis ca dintre toate metodele, poate scrisul e cea care te elibereaza cel mai repede de ganduri si de prezenta umbrelor din minte si din trecut.Nu am mai scris si foarte rar am vorbit despre asta, poate ca nici acum nu-i un moment potrivit, …dar cand e? nu stiu niciodata cum sa “negociez” cu timpul.
Am, in fiecare an, la fiecare sfarsit de an, o povara pe care o tarai cu mine prin frigul si pustiul iernii, incercand s-o las undeva pe drum, s-o agat intr-un trunchi de copac sau s-o arunc in lacul cel mai adanc. Nu-i o povara cu care m-am obisnuit, …uit de ea, odata ce trece inceputul de an, apoi nimic nu-mi aminteste ca ea exista de-a lungul anului, dispare. Dar revine in fiecare iarna, se lasa grea si imi prinde sufletul intr-o menghina pe care n-am puterea sa o desfac. Incerc, de fiecare data, sa o ignor sau, si mai bine, sa o las sa stea in mine fara sa ma misc prea mult, ca sa n-o starnesc. Un fel de simbioza. Ea are nevoie de mine ca sa existe, eu am nevoie de ea ca sa mor. Despre asta am vrut sa scriu. Despre moartea (sau mortile) mea (mele). S-a intamplat odata iarna… De atunci se intampla mereu, e un ciclu. Chiar daca in fapt, nu se repeta, e un “remake” pentru care n-am luat bilet, dar sunt – intr-un fel pe care inca nu-l inteleg – obligata sa-l vad de fiecare data.
A fost un an greu, cu multe intamplari care mi-au schimbat viata. Pentru prima oara in anul ala am simtit zadarnicia si am pierdut speranta. Pentru tot. Apoi, in noiembrie, am hotarat ca vreau sa renunt si sa uit, sa sterg cu buretele ultimii ani pe care-i traisem. Ultimii 4. N-am reusit sa uit, dar sa renunt – da! 1 ianuarie 2001, ziua in care am murit dupa o lunga si nefireasca boala a sufletului. Au murit cu mine toate bucuriile pe care le simtisem inainte, toate dorintele, toate grijile, placerile, curajul si credinta. Am ramas inerta din ziua aia, mai mult timp… Apoi m-am nascut din nou. Incet………….. Pentru singurul motiv care exista atunci pe lume: Luca.
Asta-i tot ce imi amintesc. Ba nu, imi mai amintesc ceva: ningea frumos. Era prima ninsoare in iarna aia. Fulgi mari coborau incet si mi se agatau in par. Si asteptam taxiul.
I've noting to do, yeah!
(the video of Eric Heatherly here )I keep hearing you're concerned about my happiness.
All that thought you're giving me is conscience, I guess.
If I were walking in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none.
While you and your friends are worrying 'bout me, I'm having lots of fun.
Counting flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream, it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doing fine.
You can always find me here, having quite a time.
Counting flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
Well, it's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light.
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.
Counting flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, counting flowers on the wall,
That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,
With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.
Don't tell me I've nothing to do.